So this is what happened at my first Glastonbury:
— 4.45am awake in B&B in Bruton, Somerset (home town). Two hours’ sleep. Get in car.
— 5.15am arrive Glastonbury. Park car in Performers’ Parking Area. Note parking location on phone.
— 6.30am arrive Pyramid Stage having trekked for over an hour across mud, nearly falling over several times whilst wearing excessively foolish white chiffon dress.
— 6.35am on live from the Pyramid Stage for BBC Breakfast, BBC News 24, BBC Points West and Radio Somerset. Still sweating and red-faced from one-hour trek.
— 9am to 1pm eat bacon butties, see Chris Evans, see Radiohead’s Thom Yorke (when I was ordering a raspberry muffin – he said, “I’ll have what she’s having”), get propositioned by man who invites me to the Lost Horizon (naked sauna – I decline), walk miles across mud from Pyramid Stage to The Park.
— 2pm book reading and (minimal) stand-up (very much a chill-out zone, did not want shouty jokes) at the Free University of Glastonbury in the Crow’s Nest at The Park.
— 3pm spend one hour crying and looking for car as phone dead and could not check location of car on phone. Eventually found car. Drive home. Number of hours spent at P̶i̶l̶t̶o̶n̶ ̶P̶o̶p̶ ̶F̶e̶s̶t̶i̶v̶a̶l̶ Glastonbury: 10.